Hitting The Snooze Button
“Hitting the snooze button is basically starting out your day with a nap.”
Read moreAuthor: Antarctica Journal
Poison
“If a poison is out of date, is it more poisonous or less poisonous?”
Read moreI Miss The Days
“I miss the days when I would go to the doctor’s office and they would ask what’s wrong and I could just turn to my mother and she’d explain.”
Read moreWe Have A History
“We have a history” sounds a lot better than “we used to bang and now it’s awkward.”
Read moreRaisin Cookies
“Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues.”
Read moreI Need To Talk To You
“ ‘I need to talk to you’ is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.”
Read moreSteps 1, 2, and 3
“Step 1: Open fridge. Nothing to eat. Step 2: Open pantry. Nothing to eat. Step 3: Lower standards and repeat.”
Read moreBalance The Light Switch
“Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off positions.”
Read moreDennis Miller – Superbowl Sunday
“Superbowl Sunday is the one day of the year when everyone in the country, regardless of their religious beliefs, completely stops what they’re normally doing. Especially the team I’m rooting for.” – Dennis Miller
Read moreSteven Wright – I Was Watching The Superbowl
“I was watching the Super Bowl with my ninety-two-year-old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game he was watching was better.” – Steven Wright
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