Looked At A Person
“Have you ever looked at a person and thought, ‘Yeah, you have someone locked in your basement.’ “
Read moreCategory: Humor
Where To Buy Rash Cream
“Is anyone else dreading the day that your Google searches are linked to Facebook? Ralph just Googled “Where to buy rash cream.”
Read moreIce Cream Truck
“When I was a child, my father convinced me that the ice cream truck only played music when it was sold out.”
Read moreFive Songs Released Every Year
“After a 16.5 hour road trip, 6 states and over a dozen radio stations, I have come to the conclusion that only five songs are released every year.”
Read moreNot The Best Of Days
“Even when it’s not the best of days, you can always tell yourself, hey, at least I’m not the guy who sank a $570 million ship.”
Read moreSee Things More Clearly
“I think in the year 2020 people are going to start seeing things more clearly.”
Read moreDrinking Soda
“I’m pretty sure just about every kid, while drinking a bottle of soda, has poured a little bit into the cap and drank it like a shot.”
Read moreSuperhuman Strength
“The superhuman strength I acquire trying to avoid a second trip to bring in groceries is astonishing.”
Read moreHitting The Snooze Button
“Hitting the snooze button is basically starting out your day with a nap.”
Read morePoison
“If a poison is out of date, is it more poisonous or less poisonous?”
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